My daughter told me after her swim practice last night that "no one on the team cares about each other anymore." Words that made me so sad. I was even more saddened to hear that she had to take the new poster around to all of the swimmers and ask them to sign it. That there was no discussion about what had occurred on the one swimmers poster. Nor, have I heard through the grapevine that there was any discussion regarding the use of the offensive nickname.
It saddens my heart deeply to hear my daughter talk about how much fun her team used to be. How everyone was like family. That they had pride and team spirit. She said it's just not the same since the club fired her beloved coach last summer.
My perspective is that any extra curricular activity my daughter participates in should bring her joy and happiness. She should look forward to going and participating. She loves the water and I fear that if we stay on this course she may lose her love and passion for swimming. Something that brought her great pride and joy at one time. I understand it could be her age. Many swimmers lose interest at between the ages of 11-14. But when there is a less than positive atmosphere I think it makes it more challenging.
Change is never easy, but is always necessary to grow as individuals. Perhaps it's time for change.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Perhaps I'm Too Sensitive?
My daughter swims for a local USA Swim team. This upcoming weekend is the age groupers Junior Olympic Meet (also known as JO's). It's the first level of meets these kids try to qualify for at the end of the season which then leads to another qualifying meet. In an effort to congratulate these qualifying swimmers and wish them luck we organized an on deck activity.
My daughter and I put names on poster boards for the eleven qualifying swimmers. The poster board were put out on tables with markers so that all of the swimmers could write motivational messages of good luck and fast swimming on them. We also had pizza and beverages for them. Our team has taken on some changes and this has been the first on deck event in a LONG time. The kids all signed the posters and seemed to have a great time visiting with each other.
I discussed with a fellow parent what we should do with the posters. Send them home with the kids or take them and hang them in the team tent? We decided we would take them and hang them in the tent to help inspire the swimmers. As I collected each of the posters I came across one that had writing scribbled out on it. This one swimmer not only had "I <3 Molly" written multiple times in all the spare space scribbled out it also had the swimmer's first name blended into a single word ending in "retard". I realize at that moment that this particular swimmer had asked me for a marker. It was in this specific color that he scribbled out the writing. I couldn't believe it. I showed it to other parents and stated this isn't acceptable. I showed it to the coach and he said he'd talk with the head coach and the swimmers about it. My daughter and I decided we would remake his poster and send it to the next practice.
We were carpooling another swimmer home with us. On the drive I had the girls ask this particular swimmer how he felt about the nickname and his poster. He was clearly hurt by it and stated he "HATES" the nickname, but tolerates it. In the text conversation it was clear the swimmer was very disappointed that his poster was ruined. The other thing was that not only does he just "take it" from the group, but he "can't" do anything about it. He also said he "won't" ask them to stop because it's just kind a thing they do.
What sets my pants on fire is the fact that not only did the group of swimmers that pretty much vandalized this swimmers "motivational" poster, but they also thought it was acceptable for the parents and coaches to see. Last I checked, when you single out one swimmer out of a group to intimidate or emotionally harass it's called bullying. Bullying is defined in our USA Swimming rule book for 2012. From what I read it fits the description.
I contacted another parent, a friend, and described to her what happened. I think I made her very angry at me over the situation because her child is part of the group that was reported to have been responsible for giving the nickname to the swimmer. This parent then preceded to tell me not only has my child called this swimmer the nickname, but so has the coach. That her child didn't know the swimmer didn't like the nickname. Somewhere in the muck of our conversation I got the impression from her that because everyone else calls this child "xxxxxxretard" that it's acceptable. Seriously??? So am I to understand that if just one person uses a slanderous term to identify an individual it's wrong, but when collectively as a group it's done it's okay???
I am not accusing any one individual. It is my position that all involved, those that have used the nickname and those that accepted the use of it, are guilty. That the "anything" goes attitude that seems to be running rampant through the senior and pre-senior group which models behavior for groups of younger kids who aspire to swim fast and be like them should be put to an end. It is my hope that the coaching staff will set all of these kids straight on respect and sportsmanship. That strong leadership will be in place to correct bad behavior and educate them when the need arises.
I'm sitting here this evening thinking am I making a bigger deal of this? Am I wrong to be so offended? Are my standards too high? Should I blow it off like everyone else? Then I think of this swimmer taking this poster home to his family and showing them, or tearing it up and throwing it in the trash because he doesn't want them to know about it. Would his parents think that it's acceptable for his motivational poster to look like that? How would they feel?
I am not accusing any one individual. It is my position that all involved, those that have used the nickname and those that accepted the use of it, are guilty. That the "anything" goes attitude that seems to be running rampant through the senior and pre-senior group which models behavior for groups of younger kids who aspire to swim fast and be like them should be put to an end. It is my hope that the coaching staff will set all of these kids straight on respect and sportsmanship. That strong leadership will be in place to correct bad behavior and educate them when the need arises.
I'm sitting here this evening thinking am I making a bigger deal of this? Am I wrong to be so offended? Are my standards too high? Should I blow it off like everyone else? Then I think of this swimmer taking this poster home to his family and showing them, or tearing it up and throwing it in the trash because he doesn't want them to know about it. Would his parents think that it's acceptable for his motivational poster to look like that? How would they feel?
I wonder what the week will bring and if change is in our future...
The DCN... Blast From the Not So Popular Past
While I was carpooling C to swim Thursday afternoon, one of the assessors from the DCN (The Diagnostic Center Northern CA). called. R, the hubby, took the call. The assessor was cleaning out old files or something and came across F's file. He wanted to check and see how he was doing.
I haven't thought about the DCN since 2010. Here's what I know about them. They were described to me as the "experts" on the hardest to serve special education students, the most complex of children. The was supposed to the best place to do F's assessments in all areas of need. We were referred by our District because I had requested so many assessments. Appropriate assessments were seriously lacking in his IEP documents. I'd have to pull the big box of records to review the list, but I can tell you it was in any and all areas of potential need. Thanks to our advocate, we tried to be as thorough as possible.
Here's what F experienced. To be assessed by this "highly skilled team of experts" F had to travel. The trip was over a 100 miles and 2 hours for him. F hasn't traveled in years. F hadn't been on a school campus in over a year when they referred him here. F has asthma complicated by the typical lung issues that come with having such severe cerebral palsy. It was the first few days of June he was scheduled for two days of testing. We would arrive the day before. He would test over the next two days. I'm sure I tried to negotiate with them coming to us locally, but they I was told no. This is how it's done for these kids. Strike 1 against F for good assessments.
F's van was packed from top to bottom with all of the supplies he needed to care for him for that short period of time. Thankfully, our nurse, Beth was able to come with us. I couldn't have made the trip alone. It's a challenge to care for him out of our element. We loaded up the day before arrived at the designated hotel, which wasn't close to the DCN. I literally had to rearrange furniture to accommodate F. We were all exhausted. F did not sleep most of the night. I'm sure he probably awoke a little disoriented since he hadn't traveled in so many years. I wake up that way sometimes when I'm really tired and someplace new. So it's reasonable to believe he would be too.
Exhausted the next morning we are expected to show up bright and fresh for the assessments. I called them to tell them we were running late. I really didn't want to go. F was wheezy and congested. I'm sure it had to do with trees being in bloom and all the car exhaust from the drive and traffic. I am completely anxious and stressed and can already tell F isn't feeling his best, strike 2.
We finally arrive the team greets us. They introduce themselves. Then take us to these little rooms that barely accommodate F's wheelchair. Then they send us to the assessment room and it's even smaller. We barely fit. They have me read the paper to him. He is wheezy and congested and sounds horrible. He's refusing to open his eyes and interact. I can't blame him. We do our best. Then they have me leave and Beth come in. They try to work with the two of them. I don't think much changed for how F was behaving. Why should it? He's legally blind and in an unfamiliar environment with tight spaces and bright lights, not optimal for him. He's having difficulty breathing. It's already documented in all of his school records that he fatigues easily. So lets see didn't sleep, difficulty breathing, recovering from long drive... conducive to accurate and appropriate assessments? In my mind I hear these words "We are the experts on the hardest to serve children" Really? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that so far you've set him up to fail!
The other unimpressive thing about this agency that "specializes in assessing the hardest to serve children" is that there was no accommodations on site for someone with such significant physical disabilities. There was no room available to get F out of his chair for changing or to stretch out. They came up with a solution by sending us to some apartment on campus, but we had to walk by all of the landscapers cutting hedges, using mowers, and blowers. One word, asthma.
They insulted him. Strike 3. If you want my son's attention. Don't baby him and certainly don't try to make him do preschool stuff. He won't do it. They tried to have him match colors using dishes, a plate and spoon or something. This was when Beth, his nurse was with him, because I interfered with the process. Did they not pay attention to the fact that he's had a g-tube and feeding pump FOR HIS ENTIRE LIFE? Really dishes! How about something more appropriate and relevant to his life? I seriously doubt that someone who is NEVER going to sit in front of a plate of food or hold a spoon really cares about what color the plate and spoon are or that they are a plate and spoon. But I bet if they'd played a cd or a cassette, he could correctly identify which one was which. Perhaps an audio story, a mystery, sports story, biography, etc. I'm sure he could tell what type of stories they were. But they chose dishes and his name.
I could go on and on about this experience, but I won't. My point is that the "experts" may not know crap about a child like yours because they are so unique with their group of disabilities, method of communication, and coping skills. The only experts for these children tend to be those that are close to the child. The ones who see their potential, believe in them, inspire them, and love them.
If your child has been assessed at the DCN or any Diagnostic Center, I'm curious how it worked out for your child.
I haven't thought about the DCN since 2010. Here's what I know about them. They were described to me as the "experts" on the hardest to serve special education students, the most complex of children. The was supposed to the best place to do F's assessments in all areas of need. We were referred by our District because I had requested so many assessments. Appropriate assessments were seriously lacking in his IEP documents. I'd have to pull the big box of records to review the list, but I can tell you it was in any and all areas of potential need. Thanks to our advocate, we tried to be as thorough as possible.
Here's what F experienced. To be assessed by this "highly skilled team of experts" F had to travel. The trip was over a 100 miles and 2 hours for him. F hasn't traveled in years. F hadn't been on a school campus in over a year when they referred him here. F has asthma complicated by the typical lung issues that come with having such severe cerebral palsy. It was the first few days of June he was scheduled for two days of testing. We would arrive the day before. He would test over the next two days. I'm sure I tried to negotiate with them coming to us locally, but they I was told no. This is how it's done for these kids. Strike 1 against F for good assessments.
F's van was packed from top to bottom with all of the supplies he needed to care for him for that short period of time. Thankfully, our nurse, Beth was able to come with us. I couldn't have made the trip alone. It's a challenge to care for him out of our element. We loaded up the day before arrived at the designated hotel, which wasn't close to the DCN. I literally had to rearrange furniture to accommodate F. We were all exhausted. F did not sleep most of the night. I'm sure he probably awoke a little disoriented since he hadn't traveled in so many years. I wake up that way sometimes when I'm really tired and someplace new. So it's reasonable to believe he would be too.
Exhausted the next morning we are expected to show up bright and fresh for the assessments. I called them to tell them we were running late. I really didn't want to go. F was wheezy and congested. I'm sure it had to do with trees being in bloom and all the car exhaust from the drive and traffic. I am completely anxious and stressed and can already tell F isn't feeling his best, strike 2.
We finally arrive the team greets us. They introduce themselves. Then take us to these little rooms that barely accommodate F's wheelchair. Then they send us to the assessment room and it's even smaller. We barely fit. They have me read the paper to him. He is wheezy and congested and sounds horrible. He's refusing to open his eyes and interact. I can't blame him. We do our best. Then they have me leave and Beth come in. They try to work with the two of them. I don't think much changed for how F was behaving. Why should it? He's legally blind and in an unfamiliar environment with tight spaces and bright lights, not optimal for him. He's having difficulty breathing. It's already documented in all of his school records that he fatigues easily. So lets see didn't sleep, difficulty breathing, recovering from long drive... conducive to accurate and appropriate assessments? In my mind I hear these words "We are the experts on the hardest to serve children" Really? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that so far you've set him up to fail!
The other unimpressive thing about this agency that "specializes in assessing the hardest to serve children" is that there was no accommodations on site for someone with such significant physical disabilities. There was no room available to get F out of his chair for changing or to stretch out. They came up with a solution by sending us to some apartment on campus, but we had to walk by all of the landscapers cutting hedges, using mowers, and blowers. One word, asthma.
They insulted him. Strike 3. If you want my son's attention. Don't baby him and certainly don't try to make him do preschool stuff. He won't do it. They tried to have him match colors using dishes, a plate and spoon or something. This was when Beth, his nurse was with him, because I interfered with the process. Did they not pay attention to the fact that he's had a g-tube and feeding pump FOR HIS ENTIRE LIFE? Really dishes! How about something more appropriate and relevant to his life? I seriously doubt that someone who is NEVER going to sit in front of a plate of food or hold a spoon really cares about what color the plate and spoon are or that they are a plate and spoon. But I bet if they'd played a cd or a cassette, he could correctly identify which one was which. Perhaps an audio story, a mystery, sports story, biography, etc. I'm sure he could tell what type of stories they were. But they chose dishes and his name.
I could go on and on about this experience, but I won't. My point is that the "experts" may not know crap about a child like yours because they are so unique with their group of disabilities, method of communication, and coping skills. The only experts for these children tend to be those that are close to the child. The ones who see their potential, believe in them, inspire them, and love them.
If your child has been assessed at the DCN or any Diagnostic Center, I'm curious how it worked out for your child.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Inspiration
So I like to run. It helps me work off my stress and clear my mind and I can exercise my two dogs. They will behave the remainder of the day which I love! I have the opportunity to think through a lot of things. It's my break from my life. This was my last long run before my half-marathon on March 11. I run at the local bike trail along the river. It's beautiful.
The run was uneventful and I felt pretty good until the last mile and a half. That last bit of distance was so incredibly HARD! I don't really understand why some long runs go by so quickly and others are serious mental TORTURE! This one went by easy and then I started getting stiff legs and the wind was picking up. I wanted to stop running. This is where I think of my son.
I remind myself that I take steps for F. I think of each painful step and liken it to every painful CP spasm he's had. I think about how he will never have the ability to do this with his own two legs. Yet, he doesn't complain. I think of how asthma prevents him from enjoying the outdoors. His world is so small and yet... he enjoys every minute of it. He doesn't grumble, or really complain. He requires so little in many ways. He is content and satisfied the majority of the time. I say majority, because he too has his moments. He sets an amazing example for doing your best and finding the joy in all that you do. I am grateful for all that I can do and enjoy.
For F:
Thank you for inspiring me. You help me each day to remember that I can. You work hard to continually improve yourself even if your progress is very small. You refuse to believe anything negative said about you. You choose to prove those naysayers wrong. You never give up. I love you!!
The run was uneventful and I felt pretty good until the last mile and a half. That last bit of distance was so incredibly HARD! I don't really understand why some long runs go by so quickly and others are serious mental TORTURE! This one went by easy and then I started getting stiff legs and the wind was picking up. I wanted to stop running. This is where I think of my son.
I remind myself that I take steps for F. I think of each painful step and liken it to every painful CP spasm he's had. I think about how he will never have the ability to do this with his own two legs. Yet, he doesn't complain. I think of how asthma prevents him from enjoying the outdoors. His world is so small and yet... he enjoys every minute of it. He doesn't grumble, or really complain. He requires so little in many ways. He is content and satisfied the majority of the time. I say majority, because he too has his moments. He sets an amazing example for doing your best and finding the joy in all that you do. I am grateful for all that I can do and enjoy.
For F:
Thank you for inspiring me. You help me each day to remember that I can. You work hard to continually improve yourself even if your progress is very small. You refuse to believe anything negative said about you. You choose to prove those naysayers wrong. You never give up. I love you!!
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