You Can't Handle the Truth

Our society has completely lowered the standard on manners and courtesies.  These days we seem to tolerate so many things.  My daughter has been participating in a play at school.  I've spent a lot of time volunteering backstage.  It's probably 50/50 for the number of kids that say thank you or please.  Don't get me wrong they are kind, but the manners are lacking. I hear many adults each day give orders or requests to children and adults without saying please or thank you.  I'm guilty as well.

I had one mom just barrel over me as I was sitting in a chair watching the rehearsal without even saying "excuse me" not to mention her giant purse that hit me in the head.  She was totally oblivious.  Two days later as I'm speaking with one of the students she walks right between us.  Not one word is spoken by her.  Again, she runs me over with her giant purse.  That's it I've had enough.  I speak up and say "Excuse me goes along ways and if your going to carry a giant purse like that, you need to be aware of just how much space it requires."  She humored me with a an unappreciative "So sorry dear" with a lame pat on my arm.  Then proceeds to exit and go ask another mom if I'm always that rude.  

Why is it considered rude to other people when you speak up for yourself?  If I wouldn't tolerate this behavior from my child, why should I have to tolerate it from another adult?  We all walk this earth and being courteous to others is something we should do each day.  

I've had my son with me and his wheelchair is heavy.  I've had to hold a heavy door and navigate him in his wheelchair through the door. I can't count how many people step in front of him to squeak past us through,  before I get him in the door.  How about the adults that  stand there and watch us struggle.  I can't even count how any times a door has been shut in our faces because people do not hold doors.  

I've watched the disabled and the elderly struggle with bags or to reach something up high.  When I see them I ask if I can help. But in the process,  I've watched many people completely stare at them struggling and do NOTHING!  What's wrong with people??? 

I'm just so sick of it.  It drives me crazy.  So when I see those offenses towards those who need the assistance or when someone is rude to me why should I bite my tongue?  To hold my tongue sends the message to my children that I think it's acceptable and it certainly is NOT!

I'm back!

I have once again abandoned this blog again.I have so many draft posts that I just never found the time to complete and post. So much has happened since I last wrote. I did the marathon in December. The flu was rampant in my household in early January which resulted in R and F being sicker than I'd seen either of them in years. I made my first ever 911 call and it wasn't for F during that long month of illness.

Swimming has been interesting. I became a certified starter in my LSC. I watched Cerise struggle i the water and out. I had a run in with another swim parent. My sweet C began taking ADD meds consistently.

I had my first drama experience with C. She auditioned for a play at school and was given three small parts. This has been an interesting adventure.

R and I committed to color in our house. We still haven't finished the kitchen floor, but we have much more solid plan.

We had two milestone birthdays with F turning 20 and my sweet girl 13. The teen years are fast upon us. My list goes on and on.

I'll do my best to highlight the most important things since it is now May and looking back it all sees a blur. Now if only I could figure out where to begin.

Today's "to do" list includes a 20 mile run... UGH!

Today's plan is to get the girl to school and head to the boring, and monotonous bike trail to run 20 miles.  This is part of my training plan for the upcoming marathon on December 2nd.  I've been training alone for this marathon since the mileage exceeds a distance  my dog's can run with me.  The miles are long tedious and boring.  Mentally I'm trying to get myself out of this marathon. When I signed up earlier in the year for the race I'd had a group of what I thought were friends training for it.  Friends come and go with the ebb and flow of your life. It wasn't in my plan to train alone.  It's been a true test of mental toughness for sure.

I'll update the iPhone for the mileage. I'll put on my two favorite podcasts "Stuff You Should Know" and "This American Life."   I'll get to learn interesting things and be entertained by Josh and Chuck's random topics.  Ira Glass is sure to have some very interesting shows to entertain me as well.  I love the stories about people's experiences.  They will help tick away the miles until my feet and legs hurt and I just want to quit.  Then I'll switch to some upbeat music and literally WILL myself to finish.  

The salmon are running perhaps I'll catch a glimpse of them doing their thing along the river.  The fisherman have been out in full force, along with the vultures.  The deer and squirrels are preparing for winter and you can tell.  Although, in this part of California we don't really have winter. 

Hopefully, today will help me clear my head and mull my life's problems over.  Reflect on my memories of my sweet girl and think about what unknowns lie ahead.  That's the best part of running, it helps you work through what's really bugging you.  Lately the biggest decision on my personal plate is whether or not to consider speaking to my doctor about medication.  I'm a highly anxious person and I'm thinking my anxiety is out of control.  Or perhaps I'm just depressed.  So many people tell me that I am; therefore, I must be... right?  

I'm off to start my busy day... with lackluster enthusiasm.  

Did I ever tell you how much I HATE suprises?

So my dear friend, who is like a sister to me, is trying to surprise me today.  I love that she wants to do something nice for me, I really, really do.  There's just one thing she won't tell me what we are supposed to be doing and I HATE surprises.  My experiences have reinforced over and over again that my surprises are rarely, if ever, good ones; therefore, I hate them.  They make me uneasy and anxious.

Surprise example number 1.  R tries to throw me a surprise party for my birthday.  F ends up sick and hospitalized with pneumonia.  Surprise example number two plan a vacation and your husband gets pink slipped at his county job (no vacation!).  My list could go on and on.

She wants me to dress comfortably and bring comfortable shoes. You know... this is defined differently by each of us.  Not only that I'm going to be gone ALL day on my only Saturday that I had to spend most of the day at home.  Part of the problem is I'm rarely home.  I can't get my head above water on laundry, housework, blogging, etc. because I'm only home for a few hours and I can't get anything done that requires a good chunk of time.

What I'd like today is a number of things.  Wash my dog so I can cut his hair tomorrow (standard poodle).  Go to the library.  Get in a 10 minute fat burning workout.  Do laundry.  Change the sheets.  Get my math worksheet done.  All those things that have just piled up.  Maybe even watch a movie with the family before I go get my hair done.

I need more hours in my day!

I abandoned my blog... AGAIN!

Once again I have abandoned my blog.  So much has happened since my last posting. Just a quick run down of what's been going on.  My daughter started middle school. F's routine has gone into full swing with speech, physical therapy, music therapy, and direct instruction.  I seriously contemplated filing for divorce (even downloaded the court documents to do so). We said goodbye to our beloved nurse, Caroline.  She was with us over two years.  Our family still hasn't recovered from the latter. And let's not forget, I got a diagnosis for F regarding the cysts that keep getting infected by his ears and I started taking a college Algebra class and started marathon training (I ran 14 miles on Monday).  Whew!  Let me catch my breath.

Now I must sign off and lay my head down.  I'm pooped and the day begins at 5:30 am.  I've shorted myself sleep once again!

OMG! I have a blog!

I started this blog with the intention of sharing my family story and haven't been quite consistent. Just when I forgot that I had a blog I decided to check on it.  Yep, it's still there.  Once you put your life out there in cyberspace it's out there... probably forever. When I checked the stats I can see that there has been some traffic.  I even checked out which posts have been getting hits.  Whether that means that it is actually being read is another story.  This made me feel obligated to post.  If the blog is getting hits.  Maybe someone is  ACTUALLY reading it? Perhaps I should stick with it after all?  Here I sit with a timer set for twenty minutes to hack out an update. I'm late for  F's second set of morning meds and I have a sink full of dishes calling me... yet here I sit.

Basically my summer has been filled with so many things. My daughter's swimming (being a swim mom and volunteering at swim meets as a USA official). Being a Taxi mom (getting these kids to all over their locations, Trying to maintain some level of running mileage (I did register for the marathon in December... not really sure what I was thinking when I did that). Trying to get a grip on my twenty plus year marriage (many arguments and counseling... we have an appointment today). I spent at least a month being sick (with some freak upper respiratory infection) and still trying to manage all of those duties.  Let's not forget all the other normal duties of laundry, house cleaning, etc.  All of this makes time fly by... so investing in this blog has not been in the forefront of my mind.  I forgot to mention I even registered as a college student... probably an epic fail for me and reality check. 

So much has happened and each one can be it's own blog entry.  Rethinking F's prednisone occurred yesterday.  Both F and I learned this week we have some weird congenital birth defect from our time as embryo's with baby gills (no joke... true statement).  My experiences as a stroke and turn official has it's own set of lessons and stories.  My list could go on and on.  For now I'll just post this and then figure out where to start.  I posted the draft I found sitting regarding our initial decision to wean F off of prednisone.  I'll try to knock out the follow-up to that one quickly.  Let's not forget the experience C and I had volunteering at the Special Olympics. Our tortoise even escaped and went on an adventure in the neighborhood. .  So I suppose rather than maintain this blog more for myself and my family so they can stop by and remember our adventures. 

Today Will Not Be as Planned... (sigh!)

I got a message from F's nurse that she's not feeling well today.  She's had a really rough couple of weeks due to a death in the family and just being sick herself. There's been a nasty virus going around.  Which swept through my house as well (and yes, my hands hurt from washing them!).  Today she will be out due to illness.  Because F hasn't felt well, that abscess on his face, he may not want to venture out to the Capitol.  If he does I'll take him, but his car needs gas and that's another thing added to the list.

My plans will just go out the window.  I'm not sure how today will play out, all I know is that need to constantly be flexible.  I can never wake up in the morning and expect the day to go as planned.  There's always something thrown in to throw me off.  To think I was actually going to apply for a part-time job to help earn some extra money to work on paying off some bills.  I'm thinking this is perhaps a sign that I'm not meant to do anything else, but be at the beck and call of my children... which as a mother is how it should be.  It's just discouraging.

It's discouraging, because to get anything done for myself. I always have to rely on help from someone else, either F's nurse or the hubby.  The nurse gets sick too and she has a life outside of our home.  I can't hold onto her and expect her to come through above and beyond what she already gives us during her work week.  She gives us more in many ways than just her work week so it's not limited to her 40 hours.  She is a resource and she allows me to contact her to bounce things off of her regarding F's care. Which I am ever so grateful for. The hubby works nights and needs some sleep when he gets home in the morning.  He has an additional job that he does from the house.  I have to accommodate him since he is the breadwinner. F and I have no one else, but them to go to for help and assistance.

Without a nurse it means F requires additional patience for me.  For me anything I had planned for myself typically goes out the window.  I've wanted to get my hair done for at least a month now.  The first things I need is the time, second just the additional funding since it's really a luxury for me.  I've been trying to save as much as possible and it's just hard to justify getting my hair colored.

Today, I would be satisfied getting the small errands done that need to be done and running my dogs three miles.  If I can get those things done I'll at least feel more satisfied with myself.  Yet, here I sit typing this.  I'm just wasting my precious minutes that could be spent doing something productive.  Because in all reality this blog really is a time sucker and I'm not sure why I'm bothering today. I just have a hard time being motivated sometimes, that to do list is really long in my head and it fatigues me just thinking about it.

I'm off to make a big pitcher of lemonade for today...

Top 12 for 2012

I never create New Year's resolutions for myself. After January, my mental list of resolutions have blown right out the window... or more realistically fallen right through that hole that is constantly leaking information from my head.  I decided a goal list would be most appropriate. 


Goals for myself:

1. Pray more
2. Improve my listening skills
3. Be a better wife
4. Be a better mother
5. Be a better friend
6. Improve my time management skills
7. Pay off my credit card debt
8. Run CIM marathon in December
9. Ride a century ride with my husband
10. Lift weights and strength train twice a week
11. Read more books
12. Do more of the things I enjoy: Scrapbook, crochet, sew, and learn to knit

My home:

1. Redo the kitchen floor
2. Refinish the kitchen cabinets
3. Paint the kitchen and family room
4. Repaint or finish the kitchen table
5. Make each room clutter free 
6. Address the upstairs flooring along with the stairs
7. Make a my son's equipment and technology easier for everyone to use
8. Repaint or refinish the piano
9. Fix the backyard sprinklers
10. Start a small com poster
11. Build our tortoise an outdoor enclosure
12. Create a terrarium with my 5 gallon glass jug that's been sitting for a decade
13. Plant flowers out front

Now that I have my lists together I will print and hang them for maximum visibility.  Seeing your goal each day is helpful.  It keeps you motivated... or so I've been told!


What are your goals for 2012?