Mean Girls Make Lots of Enemies

In January, I had a falling out with another swim mom.  Our daughters were friends, or so I thought, only to find out that really the daughter was pretty mean.  Anyways, thinking that the mom and I were friends I went to her about the girls talking too much during practice. I felt that it was a distraction to the other swimmers and disrepectiful to the coach.  This mom was so furious that she proceeded to behave badly at a swim meet in front of all of the families.  I was so furious and trying to contain myself that I just started crying.  The hurtful and hateful things this woman said to me at a yell publicly was not only humiliating, but it was embarassing to be treated that way in public.  I made the unfortunate mistake of going to the coach for help and not the meet referee.  Since I'm a USA swim official I know that there is a standard for behavior and she wasn't meeting it. I really should have involved the meet referee handle the situation.  It would have served two purposes, unfortunately my horrible mistake of not doing so.

Anyways, long story short we are no longer friends.  This other mom has signed up to volunteer as an official (which I find quite disturbing because she told me I was a horrible parent for doing so and for dumping  my child on others).  I guess in her mind it's only acceptable for two parent families to step up and volunteer?  Funny thing is a lot of two parent families do not always step up and volunteer. I just hope this parent doesn't use being an official to single out my child.

What I find interesting besides the fact that this mom is now an official.  She is also very chummy with the families that she talked badly about.  She was disrespectful of their desire, and perhaps their children's, to work hard for a swim scholarship. She griped about how cliquey and mean the girls were to her daughter and how poorly they treated her.  She tried to include my daughter in that mess too, but I made sure she understood my daughter had no complaints about the other swimmers and has only had nice things to say about them all. Now they sit in the team area and she's awfully friendly to the other parents.  Perhaps she recognized her behavior and this is her way of saving face somehow.  I'm not really sure, but  I do not believe for a second that any part of this is genuine.  I believe to my core it has a purpose.

The daughter, the mean girl swimmer,  is still mean. Mean girl swimmer never wore a cap in practice.  One day my daughter's cap disappears and it's right after mean girl picks up her gear.  So C asked her if she picked it up.  In the expected snobby fashion this girl says to her "I don't wear caps in practice."  The very next day she starts wearing a cap and has been since. Coincidence perhaps... or perhaps not.  My gut tells me otherwise.

At our last swim meet, we had a chair stolen.  Another swimmer, who is friends with my daughter and former friends of the mean girl swimmer, also had a chair stolen.  Both chairs with our names on them.  Mean girl and family were sitting in a tent right next to where our nice girls were.  In all the years of swimming, I have never had anything stolen.  I've lost and forgotten things, but certainly not stolen.  I personally think that this mean girl had something to do with it. Especially after the story my daughter recently told me about the time she and mean girl swimmer shared a dry locker and a wet locker together at the swim club.  The wet locker had mean girls lock on it.  The dry C's lock.  Apparently after C would fit both gear bags in the locker and left the locker room mean girl would take her gear bag out and throw it in the lost and found.  I recall vividly the time C called me to tell me her bag was stolen only to have me explain to her she must have "forgotten it" pool side because the lock was on the locker.  Never in a million years did I ever suspect mean girl of doing such an intentionally mean thing. She did this to C three times.  It resulted in C's snorkel being stolen and two of her favorite fun caps she kept in her bag.  I felt horrible after she told me this story.

I asked C why she let mean girl do that to her.  She said she liked being able to have room in her locker to keep extra towels.  She knew as soon as her gear bag went in she would lose that luxury.  She said when she stopped sharing the dry locker she took all of mean girls stuff and neatly folded it all, and she had a list by memory that included jewelry, and placed it in mean girls BFF's bag.  She said she could over hear the things they said about her when they returned to the locker room to discover mean girls stuff had been removed.

Sometime within the last two weeks the mean girl accused my daughter of stealing her bag.  C handled it well.  When I talked to another friend about it.  She said "when your mean you make lots of enemies." If that couldn't be more true.  When you talk meanly about people behind their backs.  Think that people are around you to be your servent and errand runner without a thank you.  When you give people mean nick names and they find out about it... you make enemies.

I'll give mean girl credit.  Since she stopped talking and goofing off in her lane and swimming and practicing she's been swimming great.  Hard work does pay off.  I'd just like to know when the mean girls get what they deserve?

The lesson C and I learned, when you have friends like these who needs enemies.  Be careful who you friend and trust around the pool, their motives may not always be genuine.

You Can't Handle the Truth

Our society has completely lowered the standard on manners and courtesies.  These days we seem to tolerate so many things.  My daughter has been participating in a play at school.  I've spent a lot of time volunteering backstage.  It's probably 50/50 for the number of kids that say thank you or please.  Don't get me wrong they are kind, but the manners are lacking. I hear many adults each day give orders or requests to children and adults without saying please or thank you.  I'm guilty as well.

I had one mom just barrel over me as I was sitting in a chair watching the rehearsal without even saying "excuse me" not to mention her giant purse that hit me in the head.  She was totally oblivious.  Two days later as I'm speaking with one of the students she walks right between us.  Not one word is spoken by her.  Again, she runs me over with her giant purse.  That's it I've had enough.  I speak up and say "Excuse me goes along ways and if your going to carry a giant purse like that, you need to be aware of just how much space it requires."  She humored me with a an unappreciative "So sorry dear" with a lame pat on my arm.  Then proceeds to exit and go ask another mom if I'm always that rude.  

Why is it considered rude to other people when you speak up for yourself?  If I wouldn't tolerate this behavior from my child, why should I have to tolerate it from another adult?  We all walk this earth and being courteous to others is something we should do each day.  

I've had my son with me and his wheelchair is heavy.  I've had to hold a heavy door and navigate him in his wheelchair through the door. I can't count how many people step in front of him to squeak past us through,  before I get him in the door.  How about the adults that  stand there and watch us struggle.  I can't even count how any times a door has been shut in our faces because people do not hold doors.  

I've watched the disabled and the elderly struggle with bags or to reach something up high.  When I see them I ask if I can help. But in the process,  I've watched many people completely stare at them struggling and do NOTHING!  What's wrong with people??? 

I'm just so sick of it.  It drives me crazy.  So when I see those offenses towards those who need the assistance or when someone is rude to me why should I bite my tongue?  To hold my tongue sends the message to my children that I think it's acceptable and it certainly is NOT!

I'm back!

I have once again abandoned this blog again.I have so many draft posts that I just never found the time to complete and post. So much has happened since I last wrote. I did the marathon in December. The flu was rampant in my household in early January which resulted in R and F being sicker than I'd seen either of them in years. I made my first ever 911 call and it wasn't for F during that long month of illness.

Swimming has been interesting. I became a certified starter in my LSC. I watched Cerise struggle i the water and out. I had a run in with another swim parent. My sweet C began taking ADD meds consistently.

I had my first drama experience with C. She auditioned for a play at school and was given three small parts. This has been an interesting adventure.

R and I committed to color in our house. We still haven't finished the kitchen floor, but we have much more solid plan.

We had two milestone birthdays with F turning 20 and my sweet girl 13. The teen years are fast upon us. My list goes on and on.

I'll do my best to highlight the most important things since it is now May and looking back it all sees a blur. Now if only I could figure out where to begin.

F's Fascination with the ocean

My boy has loved all things oceanic from as far back as I can remember.  He studied the blue whale extensively.  He's probably watched every National Geographic episode on the ocean.  He just loves everything about the sea from it's residents, to those who explore it, to the heart break of those who try to destroy it.  It ALL interests him. 

After a trip to a local aquarium store, F now wants  saltwater fish tank.  He wants a clown fish and an anemone, a starfish, a shrimp. His list goes on and on.  He's in love with the idea.  He could just sit and watch them for hours 

He's always enjoyed aquariums but it is at an all time high.  Upon further thinking about it... I finally realized that his fascination is more a tug of his heart strings and reminiscent of his sister, Cienna.  When she was alive the we took two family trips to the beach.  After she died we took some of her ashes to the ocean.  When he thinks of the ocean and all that it has it reminds him of her.  It brings him comfort and helps him remember those trips.  They are mixed with both happy and sadness.  F will never again go to the ocean.  We can't get him on the beach his wheelchair doesn't accommodate and he doesn't travel well due to his cp and dislocated hips.  A saltwater tank brings a bit of the ocean home.  I finally fully got what he's drawn to.  I get it completely.  I understand.  

Now I'm on a mission to find this boy a saltwater aquarium... hopefully one that is already established that we would need to move.  But where to put it in my house is a completely different story!  

Mission on!