How NOT to train for a marathon!

So my marathon is next Sunday.  I am filled with such self doubt.  I trained poorly.  I did all of the things I know NOT to do.  I didn't maintain my weekly mileage due to commitments to the kids and their schedules and that darn Algebra class I signed up for.  I didn't practice my nutrition and hydration. I didn't follow my training plan to the letter.  I didn't train early in the morning. The list goes on and on.

My long runs had too many days between them.  Some long runs had at least two weeks in between.  My longest runs the 18, and two 20's were a disaster.  My 18 was in rain almost the whole time.  Forgot my nutrition, hydration, and garmin.  That was maddening.  On my 20 it was a train wreck forgot to bring my nutrition and hydration again.  My last 20 I didn't even do due to my schedule. They took mental strength that I really had to pull from my toes since I feel like my mental strength and fortitude has been depleted this year (by my family). 

I trained alone.  That was a HUGE mistake.  I know a pack of people, some I used to call friends, training for this race... Yet I couldn't find a training partner.  I guess I should have looked at the obvious they didn't want to train with me.  I realize the hard core mental space you need to be in to be where they are and it's not me any more.  My family comes first every day... not saying their's doesn't it's just a different kind of first.  

So here I am unprepared and unmotivated to actually run this 26.2 mile race.  It's challenging to motivate yourself.  Having individuals behind you whether it's running next to you or telling you "you got this or you can do it" is so mentally helpful.  I have a choice I can suffer through 26.2 or I can run as far as I can until my body says no more and call it a day.  There will be no one at the finish line waiting for me so really other than my own self satisfaction, which lately is just doesn't feel like enough, what's the point.  There is also the example I set for my daughter that is mind over matter , make it happen even if it hurts, reach your goal, etc.  

Ugh... 26.2 seems overwhelming from where I sit.