I know I keep abandoning this blog. I don't mean to. Thank you, Lee, for reminding me I have one and for your kind words. Your words were honestly an answered prayer that day.
I'd like to catch everyone up on all that's going on, but honestly I'm simply just overwhelmed by my life. I know many people in my life think I'm strong and I can handle everything, but I've kind of had my limit recently. I'm not super mom. My marriage is crumbling and I'm coming up on the 15th anniversary of Cienna's terminal diagnosis, her 18th birthday, and the 15th anniversary of her death are around the corner. Right now I'm just telling myself "fake it until you make it" when really I'd like to curl up in a ball in my warm bed and just cry. I'm also wondering what the hell I was thinking trying to train for a marathon that is December 2. I've got a 20 mile training run on my to do list for Monday and I barely have the energy to function. Really... what WAS I thinking?
I'm just praying for God to ease my sad heart and help me through this challenging time. Grief sucks! I miss my daughter and all the memories and milestones we should have had together.
Just trying to survive the day.
F is doing great. He registered to vote and is super excited about the election. I'll try to write about that later. I couldn't be more proud of him.
Oh sweety, my heart aches for you. I know first hand what you're going through. I lost my Angel Danielle this past May. Yesterday the 1st being the 6 month milestones and a pretty rough day. You're right, all we can do is "fake it, till me make it".. Hold on to the memories of their smiles and the love we shared. There is nothing harder in life then losing a child, but the bond we had with our children trancends anything in this mortal realm, so it should not be surprising that our grief would also. Try to find "moments" of peace, rest and joy. It's all we can do. Glad to hear F is doing well, and you should be as proud of yourself as you are of him. I know what you mean about people having a preconceived notion of "our strength".. I use to tell my family and friends, stick me and watch, I bleed too! Let these next days be those of rest and healing.. Sounds like you need to lighten your load, where ever you can.. Love and hugs.. Thanks for replying.. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers
ReplyDeleteLee - you are a blessing this week! You really are. I'm sorry for your loss of Danielle. I'm thinking and praying for you too. Hugs!
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