F said Bye... with his voice!

This young man is really piling on the vocal milestones lately.  A couple of weeks ago, while I was out running the dogs, he and Caroline were out for a walk.  He said "mom" really loud.  She looked up and saw me coming towards them.  I couldn't believe that he could see me from that distance since he is considered legally blind with no functional vision.  However, his vision impairment is the type that familiar is what he does see.  He walks the same path on their walks and he knows what I look like.  It's not unrealistic for him to have seen me.  But to say "mom" was so surprising.  Caroline said it was clear as day.

Today when Mary, his paraeducator, was leaving at the end of lessons he said "Bye" with his voice.  Not his Maestro, with his voice!  We are going on over a year of intense speech therapy and he is starting to say words!  Of course, I always miss  hearing them.  F hates to do anything that would impress me in front of others.  I'm good with that.  Let him have his independence.  He and I have been joined at the hip for way too many years with me hovering and doting on him... speaking for him.  I'm happy to be in the background.  I'm happy to hear others tell me about his progress.

You go son!  I'm cheering for you to be all that you can be, without my help!!

All this progress just stirs up so many conflicting emotions that I cannot even begin to speak about without welling up into tears.  Emotions such as elation, joy, pride, love, etc. Words come into mind such as deprived, cheated, denied, mislabeled, discrimination, unteachable, unmotivated, ... that stir other types of emotions.  I must over-ride those negative emotions with the positive ones and forget about the past.. but sometimes it just so hard not to think about those "what if's."

19 is the Number of the Day ;)

I can't believe it!  My boy is celebrating his 19th birthday today.  Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think we may see this milestone.  I know that sounds terrible, but the ugly reality is that many kids with the health problems that he has (primarily the asthma and restricted lung capacity) survive into adulthood. I feel so lucky!

I can't even imagine how F feels.  I often wonder if he has ever thought about his own life span or mortality or if he has felt that he was close to dying.  I just have never had the courage to ask him.  I've asked him before if he's angry about his disabilities.  He has replied yes on some occasions and no on others.  I would imagine like me it's a mixed thing.  He only knows this life.  He cannot miss what he's never really had.  I know there was a time when he was VERY angry at the district for not providing him valuable services.  I know at times he gets frustrated because he can never catch up he's so behind and it's harder now as an adult to make progress.  I think he's done a fabulous job of making the best of everything he's been dealt.

Today I am grateful to say that I am blessed to have F in my life for these years.  Thankful, for all he has taught me.  My life is so much richer because of all that he brings to it.

Happy birthday, F!  I can't wait to celebrate your 20th next year.   I hope your day will be as special as you are.  I love you to the moon and back!