Cienna's Prosthetic eye

While I was out running yesterday I began thinking about Cienna, specifically her prosthetic eye. I have many regrets when it comes to both Cienna and F, but many I've been able to work through.  But this one regret still nags at me all these years later... the prosthetic eye.

Cienna had her right eye removed before she was a month old.  She had to wait six to eight weeks before she could get a prosthesis.  Where her eye should be just looked pink.  She had this spacer in place.  It's purpose to put pressure on the orbit to promote bone growth.  The eye's growth is what causes the orbit to grow.  Then when she was completely healed she was to get a prosthetic eye.

I think the specialist is called an ocularists.  I should Google that to confirm, but I'd just like to finish this.  There was a local one in our area.  I think they worked primarily with adults.  Cienna was referred to them.  Coincidently, R's grandmother had a prosthetic eye.  She raved about their work.  However, when it came to Cienna they did a generic fit and the eye was always somewhat flat looking. It lacked the depth of other prosthetics.

Cienna would constantly rub her eye.  It created mucous and it would get irritated.  It teared a lot. She'd rub it and it would pop out.  I remember clearly the little suction plunger used to put it back in.  I can remember her saying "uh oh" when it either turned or popped out.  Even after it was resized to help promote bone growth,  it still wouldn't be quite right.

The year she became very ill.  I finally asked her doctor to refer us to their ocularist.  I wanted her to be molded and custom fitted.  The ocularist came while she was under anesthesia and molded her socket.  This helped him create a custom fit for the eye.  I'll never forget going to the appointment to have her final fitting.  The ocularist showed her the new eye.  Cienna was taken with it's beauty.  She remarked on it immediately.  If memory serves me well... she called it her "new pretty eye."  He removed the old eye and put in the new eye.  The fit was amazing.  Cienna could not believe how it felt.  The old eye became "the yucky old eye." The new eye perfectly matched her real eye and you could not tell the difference, or at least other people couldn't.

The old yucky eye, flat and lifeless.  It's just
as I remembered it to be.

How my heart broke that I didn't pursue that custom fit for her. She received this eye in October she would die the following February.  I still have that "old yucky eye" put away with some of her belongings.  To this day I still regret not doing this for her.  She never had mucous again.  She didn't rub it any longer.  It didn't tear excessively.  The mold made all the difference. The lessons we must learn in life are not always easy.

I'll have to find some old pictures of Cienna and post them... when I have the emotional strength.  It's very taxing on me emotionally to take that trip down memory lane.