My daughter, C, wrote in her journal about February 5, 2012. She mentioned what a special day of remembrance it is for our family. That is Cienna's memorial day. On February, 5, 1998, Cienna took her last breath at home with her family. That story is for another blog entry, for now this is about C.
This her journal entry that really touched my heart:
I was born the only healthy child in the family. We were all gifts, but I was the only one they could experience a normal life with. I feel like my brother is left out though. So I pray he gets a good long life.
This really moved my heart. She articulated in her words what I feel so often. She will be twelve on the twenty-second of this month. I've always known she's had a wisdom about her, but this really drove something home for me. She too worries about the longevity of her brother's life.
I imagine sometimes what C must think about her siblings. She lives in the shadow of sister forever three who brings tears to my eyes because I miss her so much. She lives with an older brother who is more like a younger brother in ways, because she helps him more than her. This entry makes me wonder what she thinks about of her future. She has always said when I can no longer assist F she will. She has said "When I get big, I'll help you care for him so you and Daddy can get away." I wonder if she feels isolated amongst her peers. How many of them worry about losing their only sibling? Or about caring for them?
Her entry warmed my heart, but it also put a big crack in it. Such grown up worries for a little girl. A small piece of childhood innocence she will never have.
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