Perhaps I'm Too Sensitive?

My daughter swims for a local USA Swim team.  This upcoming weekend is the age groupers Junior Olympic Meet (also known as JO's).  It's the first level of meets these kids try to qualify for at the end of the season which then leads to another qualifying meet.  In an effort to congratulate these qualifying swimmers and wish them luck we organized an on deck activity.

My daughter and I put names on poster boards for the eleven qualifying swimmers.  The poster board were put out on tables with markers so that all of the swimmers could write motivational messages of good luck and fast swimming on them.  We also had pizza and beverages for them.  Our team has taken on some changes and this has been the first on deck event in a LONG time.  The kids all signed the posters and seemed to have a great time visiting with each other.  

I discussed with a fellow parent what we should do with the posters.  Send them home with the kids or take them and hang them in the team tent?  We decided we would take them and hang them in the tent to help inspire the swimmers.  As I collected each of the posters I came across one that had writing scribbled out on it.  This one swimmer not only had "I <3 Molly" written multiple times in all the spare space scribbled out  it also had the swimmer's first name blended into a single word ending in "retard".  I realize at that moment that this particular swimmer had asked me for a marker. It was in this specific color that he scribbled out the writing. I couldn't believe it.  I showed it to other parents and stated this isn't acceptable.  I showed it to the coach and he said he'd talk with the head coach and the swimmers about it.  My daughter and I decided we would remake his poster and send it to the next practice.

We were carpooling another swimmer home with us.  On the drive I had the girls ask this particular swimmer how he felt about the nickname and his poster.  He was clearly hurt by it and stated he "HATES" the nickname, but tolerates it.  In the text conversation it was clear the swimmer was very disappointed that his poster was ruined.  The other thing was that not only does he just "take it" from the group, but he "can't" do anything about it.  He also said he "won't" ask them to stop because it's just kind a thing they do. 

What sets my pants on fire is the fact that not only did the group of swimmers that pretty much vandalized this swimmers "motivational" poster, but they also thought it was acceptable for the parents and coaches to see. Last I checked, when you single out one swimmer out of a group to intimidate or emotionally harass it's called bullying.  Bullying is defined in our USA Swimming rule book for 2012.  From what I read it fits the description.  

I contacted another parent, a friend, and described to her what happened.  I think I made her very angry at me over the situation because her child is part of the group that was reported to have been responsible for giving the nickname to the swimmer.  This parent then preceded to tell me not only has my child called this swimmer the nickname, but so has the coach.  That her child didn't know the swimmer didn't like the nickname.  Somewhere in the muck of our conversation I got the impression from her that because everyone else calls this child "xxxxxxretard" that it's acceptable.  Seriously??? So am I to understand that if  just one person uses a slanderous term to identify an individual it's wrong, but when collectively as a group it's done it's okay???

I am not accusing any one individual. It is my position that all involved, those that have used the nickname and those that accepted the use of it, are guilty.   That the "anything" goes attitude that seems to be running rampant through the senior and pre-senior group which models behavior for groups of younger kids who aspire to swim fast and be like them should be put to an end. It is my hope that the coaching staff will set all of these kids straight on respect and sportsmanship. That strong leadership will be in place to correct bad behavior and educate them when the need arises.

I'm sitting here this evening thinking am I making a bigger deal of this? Am I wrong to be so offended?  Are my standards too high? Should I blow it off like everyone else? Then I think of this swimmer taking this poster home to his family and showing them, or tearing it up and throwing it in the trash because he doesn't want them to know about it.  Would his parents think that it's acceptable for his motivational poster to look like that? How would they feel?

I wonder what the week will bring and if change is in our future...